by Jennifer Weiner
Atria Books (Simon & Schuster) 2005
Method of selection: Asked the librarian directions to the restroom. This was the book I found in the toilet.
First sentence: “Hello?” I tapped on Kitty Cavanaugh’s red front door, then lifted the brass knocker and gave it a few thumps for good measure.
Types of diabetes I came down with trying to slog through this: Type 1 (body does not produce insulin), Type 2 (body ignores insulin produced), Type 9 (only affects people who read this book, and cannibals who eat the brains of people who read this book. I did both, so now I also have Type 12 diabetes).
You will like this book if: you’re a hospice patient with nothing to do but wait for death.
Why do authors write books about normal people doing normal things and complaining about it? I know how boring life is already. I do it every day, and complain about it. Where’s the robot fellatio? Where are the Templar Knights travelling through time to have sex with you? And how long must I wait to get to the murder parts? Nobody I ever know gets killed. Life sucks! WE KNOW!
The first three pages of this are about a suburban mom and her sad lonely life raising three kids and a husband who ignores her, and the sexy cool moms who are sexier and cooler and less Jewish than her (I think? I confess I don’t know how Judaism works). My hope was she would bury her three children alive in the yard and then recruit the other sexy moms to burn down a neighboring suburb, but she hardly did any of those things.
The publisher’s synopsis calls this book “unputdownable,” but I didn’t have any trouble putting it down, which means either the publisher is lying, or someone drove a 1/2-inch bolt directly through her palms and into this book, and used a locknut on the other side. That story would have made for a more interesting read, as do most instruction pamphlets on playing pocketless billiards.
Other reviews: The Infinite Shelf, Tiny Little Reading Room, Capricious Reader
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