by Patricia Simpson
Lucky Publishing 2009

Method of selection: Torched the library. This was the only book to survive.

First sentence: “David!” Tara clutched the armrest of the Jaguar sedan as they roared into oncoming traffic outside Glasgow Airport.

Note on cover: A Time-Travel Romance from Award-Winning Author Patricia Simpson
Non-committal Puff quote: “Patricia Simpson is a master at keeping suspense going on a multitude of levels.” —Romantic Times.
Alternate titles: Templar Nights, The Sword and the Bone

I don’t know what award Patricia Simpson won, probably something unrelated to writing, but I do know that time-travel romance is one of the sixty fastest-growing sub-sub-genres in fiction today, just behind transexual western fanfiction, but still ahead of slam steampunk. I found this book via a blind pull, and no doubt it is shitty, but it’s charmingly shitty. It wins you over with its shittiness. Here’s part of the synopsis:

A week before her wedding in Scotland, Tara Lewis stumbles upon a hidden tomb and accidentally awakens a spellbound knight…She doesn’t believe in the spirit world — or true love for that matter — until the touch of the handsome knight awakens her troubled heart.

This book begins in the way all time-travel romances do. Two people discuss an upcoming wedding (see Bless the Bride for more on this topic), and a lonesome time-traveler forces the protagonist to chose between her douchebag fiancé and the handsome and chivalrous Templar Knight/Starfleet Commander/Jesus Christ. Eventually, she fucks the time-traveler, who isn’t familiar with the 21st century concepts of “condoms” or “safe words”, a space-time paradox is created as she is impregnated, and the universe is destroyed.

Spellbound is unquestionably a shitty book, but it’s shitty the way a small child is shitty. You know he’s a loser, and he’s ugly and doesn’t have parents and wets the bed, but you just can’t bring yourself to hate him even though you really want to.

Other reviews: Not found

(Support this site by purchasing this shitty book through one of the Amazon or Alibris links on this site.)